Friday, January 8, 2016

2015: For The First Time.. EVER!

I'm late.. I know! It's the damn writing block again!

Anyway, remember that little notebook from last year? Not much added to it this year; yet, I'll share with you highlights of things I did for the first time ever this year. But that to come after three major stories I'll tell you first:

1- I'm healed:
By the end of 2015, it's been 3 years, 2 months, and 3 days since HE left our world. All that time I ALWAYS avoided talking about him at all. Whenever I had to, I always talk about him in present tense in short sentences. Struggling all the bad flashbacks that would make me burst in tears. I'd NEVER mention that he's gone.. I HATE it when anyone would mention that he's gone..

All that time, that wound of his absence always aching, burning, torturing my body, soul, and mind.. Any glance of him, either it's his name, or a photo, or a place we pass by together many years ago, or a song he used to hum is quite enough to raise the pain for days..

"Wanna know something really good?!", I asked my friend +Sara El-Kady a day before his 3rd anniversary.
"Yeah!", she said.
"I feel no more pain! The wound is healed.. A huge scare still there for sure.. Huge ugly scare.. But it doesn't hurt any more.. I hate pride, yet if there's anything that I'd really feel proud of, it's how I survived that.. I'm proud of healing myself."

That was the first time in 3 year to not be in pain!

2- The rude me:
Somehow the first impression anyone can get about me is that I'm too too too nice to others. That kinda of person that would never be rude or rough at any given circumstances. This year, and for the first time, I acted totally rude, rough, and aggressive to few people who abused my being-nice attitude, and crossed lines in our relationship. Only those who knows me well will relate how this is a dramatic change in my personality. :D

3- The filmmaker in me: 
Back in 2005, I had to make an email ID that looks a bit professional, yet not reveling my identity (don't ask why cause that what I had in mind ten years ago!). So I picked my initials, YRS. Too short for an email ID, so I thought that I need something that makes me always look forward. 2015 was almost the first thing jumped in my mind. I remember having this little conversation in my head:

Me: 2015? Isn't it too far away?
Me: Yeah, think what possibilities 2015 could bring to me?
Me: Humm, ten years from now? I'd be 27 years old.. That's too old!
Me: And I would probably just get started my own media production company. I really should!
Me: YES! I'll be a filmmaker, and running my own film production company.. Let's do it.. it's YRS2015 then..

Yeah, I know! Way too childish.. Four years now pursuing that childish fantasy, and now I know how my mindset and way of thinking was too naive and gullible!

However, 2015 didn't end without me putting my first step on the road of my passion to documentary filmmaking. By mid December, I'd almost finished my first EVER real short documentary, "Bela Madares - Without Schools", as a graduation project for a Short Documentary Films Making Workshop I started in late August.

Still photo of Bela Madares (Without Schools) - Short Documentary By Yasmen Refaat El-Shaa'rawy
Still photo of Bela Madares (Without Schools) - Short Documentary

Still photo of Bela Madares (Without Schools) - Short Documentary By Yasmen Refaat El-Shaa'rawy
Still photo of Bela Madares (Without Schools) - Short Documentary

December had one more treat for me, as I started my training as a film editor for a documentary TV show aired on ElArabyia channels.

Well, that's enough for now, and more details about how I healed, and my film and its behind scenes and my training to come later on.. Soon hopefully!

Now here's a short list of other things I did for the first time:

4- Had a heart-to-heart talk with +Loly Moneer . Almost ten years of friendship without a single actual conversation! The first night in 2015 we spent it together by the beach of Dahab talking and talking, and talking :D

5- First time at White Canyons, Colored Canyons, Mount Catherine, Nubia, Aswan, Wadi Degla Protection, Sayeda Zienab, El-Rab3.

6- Try Om Ali from Alban El-Haram El-Hussiny (it was awesome!).

Om Ali @ Alban El-Haram El-Hussiny - Next to El-Hussien Mosque - Photo by Yasmen Refaat El-Shaa'rawy
Om Ali @ Alban El-Haram El-Hussiny - Next to El-Hussien Mosque.
It was my birthday treat actually ;)

7- Jump of a boat rooftop.
8- Row a boat.
9- Swim in the Nile.
10- Try Subya (it was awful!).



*****

Sara once said to me, "2015 is definitely your year.." She was right.. It's the year I had became more mature, digging more deep into myself and almost everything around me, giving every single emotion its time to settle, pursuing whatever I want or wish in more confided and realistic way.

It's my year, yes!
*****

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